


Pollen Makes Me Sneeze (and Come)

by queenfanfiction



Series: touchyerwood fills [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Exhibitionism, I wish I could say I was drunk when I wrote this, Kinkmeme, M/M, Voyeurism, flames set to low heat if you please, i've been told this is a thing, prompt!fic, really bad porn written by a virgin, to say jack is turned on is like saying the sky is blue, touchyerwood, trope: sex pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-16
Updated: 2010-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-03 19:02:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenfanfiction/pseuds/queenfanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Ianto go out to take care of a small alien encounter, but for once Jack wasn't exactly prepared for what they wanted them to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pollen Makes Me Sneeze (and Come)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for touchyerwood, original prompt [here](http://community.livejournal.com/touchyerwood/910.html?thread=139150#t139150). Reposting for [nancybrown](http://nancybrown.livejournal.com)'s [Torchwood Cliché Fest](http://nancybrown.livejournal.com/90636.html).

"Spaceship just landed in Bute Park. Small, no weapons, probably some tourists who got lost," Jack had said with the confidence of one who has seen it all before. "Gwen, finish your lunch. Ianto and I'll take care of it—should be back within the hour."

Ianto would have agreed with Jack's assessment, had they not stepped out of the SUV in a deserted corner of the park to find themselves surrounded by short and squat green creatures in silver spacesuits with eyes the size of dinner plates and six tentacles per body. As there were at least two dozen of these—things present, that made for quite a few limbs waving about in the air.

"Why, hello there!" Jack said, beaming at the aliens while motioning for Ianto to get behind him. "Captain Jack Harkness. And you all are?"

"WE ARE—THE JOGORN," boomed the alien who was obviously the leader of the group with an impressively loud voice for one so small. "WE COME—IN PEACE. ALL—WE ASK—IS THAT—YOU COME—FOR US."

"Doesn't he mean 'come _with_ us'?" Ianto asked Jack under his breath.

"NO—FOOLISH CREATURE." Apparently these aliens had very sharp hearing as well. "WE ASK—THAT YOU—COME FOR US."

Ianto was about to retort with some well-formed snark about learning the language better before dropping by to visit, but he stopped with his mouth still hanging open when the full meaning of the words hit him in the face.

"Uh, look here," Jack cut in, taking advantage of Ianto's stunned state to regain control of the situation. "If you're not aware, you're standing on the planet Earth. We're humans, and humans don't exactly orgasm on command—"

"WE ARE AWARE—OF THIS DEFICIENCY—CAPTAIN. THEREFORE—WE OFFER YOU—A SOLUTION." And before either Jack or Ianto could protest, the leader whipped out some sort of nozzle that connected to a tube leading from his body, then sprayed the two men with a yellowish powder from head to foot. Jack had been unfortunate enough to be getting ready to reply when the alien sprayed, and therefore some of the powder got into his mouth as well as his face.

"Wha— _yech!_ " Jack spat, gagging on the foul taste of the powder. "What the hell—what is this stuff?"

Ianto tried to brush the powder off his suit and his exposed hands, but the powder only sank through cloth and skin, to be absorbed and disappear as if it had never even been there.

"THIS—IS THE POLLEN—OF A FLOWER—FROM OUR HOME," the Jogorn leader intoned. "IT ALLOWS US—AS JOGORN—TO COPULATE—AT WILL. IT IS—ESPECIALLY POTENT—WHEN INGESTED—CAPTAIN."

Ianto saw Jack's jaw go slack, his pupils dilate, his hands clench and unclench at his side, and was about to ask whether Jack was all right when the pollen kicked in for him, too.

There was a sudden heady feeling as all the blood in Ianto's body promptly changed direction and sped down towards his crotch. Ianto didn't know if he even remembered how to breathe anymore, but he found that breathing wasn't as important as some other needs of his. A pounding mantra began to drum in his head, a steady chant of _fuck fuck fuck I need to fuck,_ and from the look in Jack's eyes something similar was happening to the other man as well.

Though, from the urgency with which Ianto was thrown to the ground in a flying tackle, the chants might have been a little more insistent in Jack's case.

"Ianto, fuckit, _I need you,_ " Jack growled, clawing at Ianto's tie and shirt. Buttons flew until Ianto's throat was bared, and Jack immediately set his teeth to the skin and bone. Ianto bucked, grinding his hips against Jack and crying out as Jack licked and bit, fully aware that the aliens had crowded around in a tight circle to watch them.

Jack's fingers were clumsier than usual as he worked off Ianto's trousers, but Ianto could easily blame it on the effects of the pollen in his system. While Jack worked on his legs, Ianto wriggled out of his undershirt, casting it aside and easily shucking off Jack's coat. Jack would only move his arms slightly when Ianto took the coat, never breaking the full-body contact between himself and Ianto underneath.

Ianto barely had time to pull off Jack's pants before Jack was panting and moaning, squeezing himself and already rock-hard. That pollen really was as strong as the Jogorn had claimed, Ianto mused as he licked his fingers and quickly prepped Jack for what was to come. He was tempted to ask if the aliens carried any lube with them, but decided against it. Whatever it was these little green men used, he and Jack really didn't need any more help than they already had.

Jack yelled with delight as Ianto finally pushed himself in, both of them pumping against each other faster than they had ever done. Ianto could see out of the corner of his eyes that the aliens had coiled the shortest of their tentacles with the other five and were now rocking back and forth, crooning and stroking themselves without ever letting their huge eyes leave the two nearly-naked humans penetrating each other in front of them.

Ianto half-wanted to ask if Jack had noticed, any of it, but he was pretty sure that Jack was in no state to pay attention to anything else.

Not two minutes later, Jack screamed and Ianto groaned, and both came nearly simultaneously. The aliens took about five seconds longer to join them, the whole group exhaling in a collective sigh as a sticky yellow stuff (the same color as the pollen they'd sprayed on their human counterparts) dribbled out of their smallest tentacle and stained the grass golden.

For a long time, a sleepy silence hung in the air, broken only by the gasping and heavy breathing of the two men on the ground. "Fuck, that—that was good," Jack murmured, eyes fluttering closed. "Do it again? Please?"

"Not now," Ianto mumbled back, barely able to keep his eyes open himself. There was the nearby crunching of tires on gravel and the sound of a car door opening and closing, but Ianto was too tired from their ordeal to see who was approaching them, not even caring that both he and Jack were half-naked in the middle of Bute Park—

"If you just wanted some private alone-time with each other, you know," Gwen's voice tsked from above their heads, "all you had to do was ask, and I'd have given you the Hub all to yourselves."

Jack and Ianto leapt to their feet in record time and nearly fell over, as tangled up in each other's bodies as they were. There was no spaceship, no aliens, not even a trace of the yellow cum the Jogorn had left behind. It was only Jack, shirtless with pants hanging on only by his ankles, and Ianto with no shirt or pants at all, just a tie dangling uselessly from his neck as the only shred of decency he had left.

"It wasn't our fault!" Ianto protested.

"Aliens made us do it!" Jack added (sounding completely unconvincing, even to Ianto). "They had pollen, they got us with some really powerful sex pollen! No, seriously!"

Gwen just rolled her eyes and took both men by the arms with a sigh. "Pull the other one, boys. Come on, time to get home and clean you two up..."

As Gwen frog-marched her coworkers back to their SUV, she didn't notice the two dozen pairs of plate-sized eyes in the surrounding bushes, their gaze fixed unblinkingly at her cleavage.


End file.
